Single Older Woman – Life’s Experiences – Doing it all – Alone

Nov 2022

This post is being dedicated to all those women and men that find themselves navigating life and all of its joys and challenges, alone.

Whether you are alone by choice, by death, divorce, distance, estrangement, location, work etc., I honour you and hope you will laugh and smile with me as I share some of my experiences about being that single older woman.

Most of my family and my life long friends are couples – with children, without children, with grand babies, with pets, etc.

Sure there are a lot of advantages to being by myself – I decide what to eat, what car to drive, what vacation destination to plan, where to put retirement savings, where to live, what animal to have as a pet, whether I read a novel for an entire weekend or clean and organize to my hearts content, I decide to keep my hair short or grow it long, whether I stay home on a cold blustery weekend or venture out to a local park for fresh air and exercise, whether I drink red or white wine, what shows/movies to watch, which sports team to cheer for, etc. I don’t have to share the bathroom or make space in my bed, I get all the covers to myself. I get the closet all to myself. I don’t have to work around someone else’s weekend plans if I decide to stay over at a friends place.

Now – the inconveniences: I work full time Monday to Friday, I come home to prepare and cook a meal, look after the cats, clean up. I alone cut the grass, I haul the tires out of the basement twice a year for regular car maintenance, I fix all the little things in and around the house, I do the prepping and the painting myself, I alone clean the bathroom, the kitchen, the bedrooms, dust the furniture and maintain the backyard. I do all the groceries, the laundry, the errands, etc. Add to this long list, the care and support of elderly parent (s) and the time spent with them on a weekend or weeknight.

When I have a bad day, I don’t have someone to let off steam to or someone to give me a hug and reassure me everything will be okay. When I can’t handle it any more, no one hears my cries or dries my tears. I’m estranged from my children and have not spent Mother’s Day, my birthday, Thanksgiving or Christmas with them for the last few years. This breaks my heart. We use to do all these fun activities before they became adults and charted their own course.

I have to keep working cause I’m the only one bringing in a pay cheque. I don’t entertain cause my furniture is old and worn and my living space is not set up for guests or their comfort.

I developed a habit sometime last year wherein I message my sister every morning, just to let her know that I woke up. Another single elderly friend of mine, does the same thing with her sister.

I have to consider my safety when out on the roads, in inclement weather. If something happens to me or I get into an accident, I have no one to call. What if my car is damaged beyond repair, how will I get around? Can I afford another car? I carry in my car, a copy of my ICE Contact List – just in case, so that the emergency personnel know who to call. Sure I have that list in my phone, but it doesn’t hurt to have a hard copy.

All of this came to light, last week, when I came down with a cold early on Monday morning. I was scared and anxious, because I did not feel well at all. I had to call a neighbour to assist me. Fortunately, I live in a community where I know everyone and they know me. A few of them have keys to my unit. I was afraid, that if I fainted or fell down the stairs, who would know. To my dismay, not a few days later did I discover, I had COVID and I had put this kind woman at risk because she helped me…..I was very upset, her father is elderly and not in the best of health.

I had to self isolate at home from work, couldn’t do groceries, run my errands, maintain my car, etc etc etc. The first few days of COVID I had little energy and really did not want to expose myself to anyone, even though I continued to wear my mask.

To all of you with single friends, give them a call, check in with them, offer to lend a hand. Maybe if they decline a dinner invitation, it could be they don’t have gas money or extra money for a restaurant meal or they have a major bill coming up that they’re struggling to find the funds for.

I recognize too there are quite a few singles that are well to do, have good jobs, make a decent salary, and may not have these financial worries. To you – good for you! Well done.

To the others, keep up your spirits and have faith and pray.

Thank you for reading and letting me share.

Joye