Single Older Woman – Living Life Passionately

I’m compelled, in honour of International Women’s day today, to share my stories about being over 40 and navigating my way thru online dating or just dating in general…..LOL…

As a survivor of domestic abuse, during my marriage, it took many years before I was comfortable in dating again. I became a single parent in October 2000 and I started “looking around” for a new partner around 2005. Boy what a job!!!!! I set up a profile on one of those free websites (nameless) and started my hunt….

I had a few dates with a few different men, but we never got to the second date……Some of the undesirables, included a guy that was MAD AT THE WORLD and wanted to sue EVERYBODY that did him or his kids an injustice, then a guy that was bald and questioned why I kept my hair short! Would I consider growing it long for him – “oh, but long hair is so sexy”, some other guy that I swear was married, and was closet dating. We had two dates and then I never heard back from him. Another, that seemed to have an issue because I wouldn’t pick up the few pistachio shells on the theatre floor, while we watched a movie. One that was an Executive for a furniture company – we had two dates, including a movie marathon at his condo complete with snacks and pizza and alcohol. We talked a lot online as he preferred to get to know me this way, than being in person. He was very ROMANTIC on paper and then out of the blue, wanted to move things right along, but oh, I still had kids living at home. Oh sorry that won’t work – I’m not willing to wait.

Then along came my heart’s desire in July 2009. He had his own business, loved to cook, was very tidy, owned his own home, smelled good and used such nice loving words….But he was a workaholic and just not prepared to work a little less. Albiet, we were together for just over 6 years. Then I just couldn’t wait anymore.

My BFF’s all want me to find that Mr. Right and be happy. Well I am happy. I am content, I love my life, I have family, friends, a car, a decent job, a decent place to live, lots of outdoor interests, 3 cats. I have my reading, my crafting, my swimming (!), my life goals, my wine, excellent health and lots of restaurants/spas to choose from when my bff’s and I wanna have girl time.

I certainly would enjoy company at nite to talk to, share with, vent with, rejoice with, but our Good Lord has another plan for me.  I REFUSE TO DWELL ON WHAT I DON’T HAVE, instead I rejoice and give thanks for what I do have…..

From one content, AWESOME, FABULOUS, FANTASTIC 54 year old single woman, I tell you this: Ladies – live your life, not someone else’s…..As I like to say (an adage about self empowerment) “What you think of me, is none of my business”.

Thank you for reading and for letting me share. Joye

 

 

As my life moved forward and got better, I told my kids we would be going to Walt Disney World in Florida. I had a full time job, I had paid off the loan on my Hyundai Accent and “Darn it” – we were going to Florida. The trip would be in January 2007 – I started planning in Dec. 2005! This trip would be the first major vacation for the three of us and I was not going to let my guys down!

I sourced hotels, parks, rental cars, travel insurance, flights, meals, excursions, daily spending needs, weather, temperature. Plus I had to get approval from their dad to take them out of the country. If nothing I am really good at organization!.

The flight was booked for Jan 3, 2007 at 10:30 am. On Jan. 2 – I waited anxiously for their dad to drop them off – as he had custody of them for that weekend. I panicked that he wouldn’t bring them back. He did:).

Finally the morning had arrived! We made it!

We went to all the parks, Key West, Lego World, Candy Store, etc, and one of the highlights for my sons, was, while all of their friends were back at school after the Holiday break, they were swimming in an outdoor pool in January! The only complaint they had was that I made them go to bed on time, each nite…..They were still just 14 and 10 years old….LOL..

Now we fast forward to March 2016. My trip to Winnipeg, MB took ten and half years to come to fruition- this trip was going to be my first, by myself. Stay tuned as we explore how this came to be…

Thank you for reading and letting me share. Joye

 

 

 

 

 

My parents were and continue to be my role model for a life of service and giving back.

We were raised in a Christian household and belonged to a Christian Reformed Church.

I continued the tradition of attending church every Sunday with my sons and sang in the Church choir. But alas, when money was really tight and I had to choose between enough money for groceries or making a donation to the church, we stopped going to church. As my financial situation improved, I chose to live a life of service by volunteering in my community. My adage being, I may not have a lot of money to spare to donate, but I had time, energy, dedication, ideas and commitment.

With organizations abound, I started on my volunteering journey sometime around 2005. One of the first organizations was the Look Good Feel Better program – they help women suffering from cancer, to look and feel better about themselves.

As a woman that had escaped an abusive marriage and was fortunate enough that we did not have to go to a shelter, I volunteered for several years at a local shelter.

As a family from Dutch Descent, I joined my parents in working with a Charity Organization that supports these families in our province. My children benefited from the service – they went to camp in the summer and just before Christmas, we would receive a 20 lb box of groceries/staples to make meals for the Holidays. I continue to support this charity. Once I was able to afford to enroll my sons in sports leagues, I eagerly took on the role of manager, coordinator, treasurer, etc. I volunteered with an organization that supported cycling in our community, I volunteered with the Pan Am Games. As well, the Dutch are renowned for being avid cyclists – I spent many years sitting on an advisory committee working on bringing more bikes/bike lanes to our City.

With my passion for reading, I deliver novels/ digital material to seniors and families who otherwise would not be able to enjoy this worthwhile leisure activity. I spent several months helping a young woman learn how to swim thru the Special Olympics.

I am grateful to be able to afford a vehicle and to afford maintaining that vehicle. For this, I will always offer to help someone get somewhere if they are unable. I spent many years without a car and can appreciate the time and effort it takes to get around with public transit.

I get such joy from giving back. One thing I’ve learned – you will never meet a miserable volunteer, cause they are doing what they do, cause they love it!

Thank you for reading and for letting me share. Joye

 

It has been almost 6 months since I put thoughts to blog pages. This entry is about having the courage to continue and the resolve to live your life and meet your goals.

The weekend of Dec.2/3 saw my brother and I take our 78 year old mom to the hospital. She was just not looking well. After much arguing and fighting between the three of us, she relented and we got her onto a stretcher and into an ambulance. Well along with our youngest sibling, the three of us tagged teamed to give as much support and love to our mom, as we could….I spent most of my work days on the phone with various social agencies, social workers, doctors, care givers, etc while my brother and sister spent time at the hospital.

One of the most difficult moments came when we realized our mother just did not/could not comprehend that she had stage 4 colon cancer and blood clots…So, using an analogy that I knew she would understand, I explained how her cancer was growing all over her body, just like mould does on old bread. Eventually, you cannot just pick a small piece off and throw it away – you have to throw out the whole loaf.

Our mother received compassionate, gentle and kind care from the nurses and palliative team – she passed away on Dec. 29, 2017.

For me, I have grieved, but not as much as the next person. My siblings and I did not have the  most loving and easy relationship with our mom. The worst part for me was sharing her death with my two sons…. They were both devastated. My older son went out the next day and had a tattoo done on his wrist, which records the last day he saw her.

It has taken me the last couple of months to get back into my routine. For those that I talk to periodically/regularly, when they ask how I am, I tell them – I am embracing my new reality – my mother passed away from colon cancer last year.

I don’t want to waste another precious minute of life….. I have so much I still want to accomplish. I underwent my first colonoscopy – a clean bill of health. But I am not taking that for granted. I’ve lost 7 lbs since the beginning of December. Now I want to lose more cause I’m doing all the right things and not because I just had no energy or interest in eating.

Tonite I will head back to the pool – I’ve only been three times since mid – January and have only been at the gym twice. Not a moment to waste. Like the ad for GoodLife Fitness says – Live for it! That will be my new motto.

We shall talk soon! Thank you for reading. Joye

 

 

 

 

 

Hello, All

Thank you all for being interested in my blog. I  have had quite a few other life and work commitments since my vacation and have not had a chance to chronicle my journey for your reading pleasure.

You can expect to see new entries over the next couple of weeks.

It is Thanksgiving in Canada and I feel so truly blessed and grateful for the abundance in my life:). I look forward to sharing some of them with you and hope I will inspire you to give thanks every day.

Ciao, Joye

This entry is all about my financial challenges since 2000 when I became a single parent.

While I had joint custody of my kids, I worked for several temp agencies, which allowed me the flexibility to be home right after school ended.  As the years progressed from 2001 to 2007, I slowly earned more money and the temp jobs turned into full time positions with medical benefits and paid vacations. I’ll use a bullet list to illustrate the rise and fall of my annual incomes and the major expenses during those times:

• Dec 2005 – paid off my 1998 Hyundai Accent and made a promise to my kids I will take them to Walt Disney World in January 2007.
• April 2006 – temp position became a full time salaried position,
• Planned the budget and started a savings Account for our Disney vacation,
• January 2007 – eight day vacation in Orlando, Florida,
• May 2007 – bought my first new car – a 2007 Kia Rio 5 with manual transmission!
• May 2007 – Car Loan payments deferred for one year!
• May 2008 – loan payments started @$500/month,
• October 2008 – full time position eliminated – out of work!
• November 2008 – new job but a drop in salary of approx. $1000/monthly,
• February 2010 – quit the job
• March 2010 – new full time job, closer to home, and another drop in salary of approx $700/month,
• October 2010 – traded in 2007 Kia Rio5 for a 2011 Kia Rio 5 – payments dropped down to $340/month
• August 2011 – received a lifeline Loan to help me back on my feet and in July 2016, it was paid off,
• July 2017 – current income is now at about $2500/monthly. I have full benefits and three weeks vacation.
• August 2017 – Car Loan paid off- 5 months ahead of schedule.

During the past year, I worked diligently to find creative and interesting ways to both save money and make money. As you’ve read, I am not a top earner and I don’t have any degrees or letters behind my name:). I work as an Admin Assistant/AR Clerk and CSR in a small Canadian medical company.

For those of you that think it is not possible to pay off your debt, or put money aside, or plan a vacation – I’m telling you, IT CAN BE DONE!

If you’ll join me again, I will share some of my interesting strategies.

Thank you for reading. Joye

 

 

Just a short update.

Since returning from vacation, I’ve struggled with the exhausting symptoms of a cold and that has kept me from the pool. Well I was in the pool today. The water felt calming and soothing, my muscles pulsed with each stroke. I swam just a kilometre today, and it was a slow swim – it took me 41 minutes. My passion for this exhilarating activity was renewed and a sense of purpose overcame me. The quiet, calm of the water, the breaths of air being expelled, watching my arms push back the water and feeling the strength in my legs as I kicked thru each length of the pool.

Tomorrow I will head to the gym to work all the other muscles, under the guidance of my son, my Personal Trainer. I’ll be back in the pool next week. My pool swimming goal is to complete 1250 metres at each swim.

Thank you for reading, Joye.

 

For those of you that have viewed and visited my blog – Thank you, for taking the time to read my story. I am encouraged, inspired and motivated to write more because of you.

My hope is to do the same – to encourage you, motivate you, inspire you and propel you to live your life and share your story. This blog will always be positive, encouraging and hopeful – it is how I live my life. I have had many challenges and by the Grace of God, my health continues to be Excellent. Every choice I make is a choice I make – both good and bad. Some have had consequences, most have benefitted me:). Life is about having the  freedom to make choices. I have no regrets.

The first daily affirmation on my list is: “Today I am humble, grateful, positive, calm, patient and tolerant”.  I will share more of these as time goes on.

As we continue on this journey, feel free to share your comments with me. If you have a question, ask and I will answer.

My next entry will touch briefly on my financial life and some of the challenges I overcame.

Thank you for reading, Joye

In my last few posts I’ve touched on the importance of being grateful and giving thanks for all of Life’s Blessings (small and big). Today you will hear about my first real vacation with my sons.

The year is 2003 in August- I am working part time for a retail property management company. My boss was a WONDERFUL Man – very generous and kind. Our landscaper had a cottage near Wasaga Beach, which he offered to rent to me for a week. What a treat – as a child, we spent every summer in Georgian Bay and I cherished those times. Now I had the opportunity to share this special time with my kids. We loaded up my tiny 1998 Hyundai Accent and drove north! We enjoyed sun filled days, we spent the whole day on the beach and each day one sister and her kids would show up to hang out with us. My sons loved hanging out with their cousins every day! We had food, laughter, sunshine, alcohol, games, a warm bed, white sand and the cool and refreshing water of Georgian Bay.

Keep in mind, I was only working part time but my boss gave me vacation money as a bonus and we brought food from home. This holiday didn’t cost us much and I got to spend every day with my kids, which was a blessing in itself as I shared equal custody with my ex during that time.

Our next vacation would be in January 2007 when I was finally able to afford to take them to Walt Disney World, Florida. I started planning for that vacation in Dec. 2005. I had paid off my Hyundai and had a full time job ready for me upon our return.

More on that trip later.

Thank you for reading, Joye

 

Once I became a single parent in 2000, my main focus centred around taking care of my sons and me. I had a low income, but had means to make extra money. I lived in a rental community that was able to help me financially and I had a lot of family and friend support. Setting goals, visualizing the goal, writing the steps and achieving them was the last thing on my mind. I had to worry about food, gas, clothes, school expenses, day care, car maintenance, hydro, heat all on a part time work salary and a pittance of monthly child support . All I knew was that this life (being a single parent) was going to be a heck of a lot better than being the brunt of my spouses’ anger and frustration. I knew that my life would get better. I was relentless. Everything happens for a reason, good or bad and I believed in this philosophy wholeheartedly. It would take years and some deeper soul searching before I developed the knack for writing daily affirmations. Today I recite them every day and try to live by them every day.

I also pray every night and give thanks for the ABUNDANCE of Blessings in my life – food on the table, shoes on my feet, clothes on my back, excellent health, the opportunity to be the mother of my sons, my family, my friends, my job, money in the bank and money to pay the bills, excellent health of my children, my family and my friends, my three cats, red wine and chocolate, colouring books, a good novel, etc.

Next I will share how I managed to put together our first real vacation to Wasaga Beach in August 2003.

Till then  – Thank you for reading! Joye